Talking to children about mental health can feel daunting. Many adults struggle with how to approach this sensitive topic, but it’s essential for fostering emotional well-being and resilience. Here are some tips to help guide these conversations. Start Early and Be Age-Appropriate It’s never too early to introduce the concept of mental health. For younger […]
Talking to children about mental health can feel daunting. Many adults struggle with how to approach this sensitive topic, but it’s essential for fostering emotional well-being and resilience. Here are some tips to help guide these conversations.
It’s never too early to introduce the concept of mental health. For younger children, use simple language and relatable examples. You might say, “Just like we get sick in our bodies, sometimes our feelings can feel sick too.” As they grow, you can introduce more complex concepts about emotions, mental health, and self-care.
Children need to feel safe and comfortable expressing their feelings. Encourage them to share their thoughts and emotions by actively listening without judgment. Use open-ended questions like, “How did that make you feel?” This fosters an environment where they feel free to discuss their feelings.
Integrate discussions about mental health into everyday conversations. You might talk about feelings during storytime, discussing characters’ emotions, or relating to your own experiences. When mental health becomes a regular topic, it loses its stigma and encourages openness.
Help children identify and label their emotions. You can use emotion charts or books that explore different feelings. Teaching them to recognize their emotions empowers them to express themselves and seek help when needed.
Introduce coping mechanisms and self-care practices in a fun and engaging way. Activities like drawing, journaling, deep breathing, or spending time in nature can be great tools for managing emotions. Encourage them to share what works for them.
There are many fantastic books, apps, and resources tailored for children that address mental health topics. Consider reading books that discuss emotions or mental health, like “The Color Monster” or “Feelings” by Aliki, to facilitate discussion.
It’s important to be truthful about mental health, but be mindful of the language you use. Avoid overwhelming them with complex terminology or adult concerns. Instead, focus on reassurance and the idea that it’s okay to feel different emotions.
Children learn by observing adults. Demonstrate healthy ways to cope with stress and emotions. Share your own feelings in an age-appropriate way and show them how you manage difficult emotions.
If a child is struggling significantly, don’t hesitate to seek help from a mental health professional. Explain that therapists are like coaches for our feelings, helping us understand and manage them better.
Mental health is an ongoing conversation. Check in regularly with your child about their feelings and thoughts. Encourage them to come to you whenever they feel confused or upset, reinforcing that these discussions are always welcome.
Conclusion
Talking to children about mental health is crucial for their emotional development. By creating an open, supportive environment and equipping them with the right tools, we can help the next generation understand and prioritize their mental well-being. Remember, it’s a journey, and each conversation is a step toward building a healthier, more resilient mindset.
Alexandra Doherty
If you think back to your own childhood, you remember there are generally two types of kids: The bully and those that the bully bullies. Most of us fell into that second group of kids. And don’t think for a minute that girls can’t be bullies, because they can. Girls can actually be brutal to […]
If you think back to your own childhood, you remember there are generally two types of kids: The bully and those that the bully bullies. Most of us fell into that second group of kids. And don’t think for a minute that girls can’t be bullies, because they can. Girls can actually be brutal to one another.
Not only are kids and teens bullied the old fashioned way with taunts in the hallway, shoving and tripping, but now thanks to a proliferation of social media, they can be bullied 24/7 365.
While no parent wants to think that their child is being bullied, it’s important to know the truth. And sometimes you have to find that truth out on your own, because your child won’t come to you.
Here are some ways you can tell if your child is being bullied:
Has your child suddenly become depressed or anxious and there is nothing in your home life that would warrant such a change? When you ask what is wrong, do they snap at you or avoid the conversation altogether?
If your child used to enjoy school and is now reluctant to go most days, something is not right. They may pretend to get sick often, miss the bus on purpose or just refuse to get out of bed.
Is your child’s school bag, toys or cellphone suddenly missing or broken? When you asked what happened, do they seem fearful to tell you? Bullies often oppress other kids by stealing or breaking their personal possessions.
Does your child come to you in the middle of the night unable to fall or stay asleep? Has their teacher spoken to you about them falling asleep in class? Children who are being bullied are often too anxious to sleep at night, worrying about the next day.
One of the most obvious signs of bullying is having marks such as scrapes, cuts and bruises. When you ask where they came from, it is very obvious they are not telling you the truth or the whole truth.
If you find out your child is being bullied, you will want to speak with school administrators to bring the situation to their attention so they can take necessary actions. Also, let your child know they may come to you at any time to talk about what’s happening. You may also want to have your child speak to a therapist who can help them deal with the fear and anxiety.
If your child is being bullied and you’d like to explore treatment options, please be in touch. I would be happy to discuss how I may be able to help.
It’s tough trying to get your teen to talk. Science has shown that the teenager’s brain has yet to fully develop the frontal cortex, which is the area that controls our ability to reason, and to think before we act. As your teen’s brain develops, they’re also learning new things about themselves and their surrounding […]
It’s tough trying to get your teen to talk. Science has shown that the teenager’s brain has yet to fully develop the frontal cortex, which is the area that controls our ability to reason, and to think before we act. As your teen’s brain develops, they’re also learning new things about themselves and their surrounding world; simultaneously, they’re dealing with hormonal changes out of their control.
For all of these reasons and more, it can be difficult to find ways to talk to your teen, or to get them to talk to you. Although it’s difficult, it’s not impossible; read on to find five ways to get your teenager to talk to you.
Take the time to listen to your teenager when they want to talk. Instead of saying you’ll talk to them later, step away from what you’re doing and listen to what they have to say. Don’t talk, interrupt or be quick to offer advice; just listen. Kids have thoughts and experiences that their parents don’t know about, and the best time to listen to them is when they’re asking to talk to you.
As you listen to your teen, your knee jerk response may be to quickly resolve their issue, offer advice or maybe even dismiss their complaints or opinions. Put yourself in your teen’s shoes; think about how you would feel if your spouse responded to you the way you respond to them.
Everyone has a desire to be heard and understood. As you talk to your teen, mirror back to them what you hear them saying. Watch for signs that they’re not being heard or understood by you. They might roll their eyes, shake their head, wave their hand at you or interrupt. When they’re nodding and/or silent, you’ll know you’ve understood.
Ask your teen specific questions rather than general “how was your day?” questions. Ask questions about a friend you know by name. Ask about a sport they participate in or a teacher they like. Ask open ended questions such as, “What was Mr. Burton’s class like today?”, or “What was the best thing that happened today? What was the worst thing?”
When and where you try to talk to your teen matters. One of the worst times to talk to kids is after school. Just like you do after work, they need wind-down time. Instead, ask questions around the dinner table. It’s casual, and there’s no pressure for eye contact. The car is another great place to talk to your teen (unless their friends are in the back seat); they feel more comfortable because you’re not looking at them.
If you’re having difficulty communicating with your teenager and need some help and guidance, a licensed mental health professional can help. Call my office today and let’s set up a time to talk.
Mindfulness is the practice of being aware of your body and feelings in the present moment. If you’re silent for a moment, you will notice the subtle smell of your freshly washed clothing, the sound of your breathing, and watch a small leaf blow past your window. Mindfulness is an incredibly calming, relaxing practice that […]
Mindfulness is the practice of being aware of your body and feelings in the present moment. If you’re silent for a moment, you will notice the subtle smell of your freshly washed clothing, the sound of your breathing, and watch a small leaf blow past your window. Mindfulness is an incredibly calming, relaxing practice that can help adults in numerous ways, and it may surprise you that it can help children, too.
Studies have shown that children who learn mindfulness practices showed better grades, increased patience and improved coping skills. When taught in schools, mindfulness increases optimism in classrooms while decreasing bullying and aggression.
It can be remarkably simple to teach a child mindfulness. Here are four exercises to get started.
Teach your child to become aware of their body with a muscle awareness exercise. Sit down on the floor and do some exercises where they focus on one muscle at a time. They can point their toe and hold, and as you do the same ask them what they feel and where exactly they feel the tightening of their muscle. Hold for a few seconds and release, then repeat with other muscles.
Have your child lie on her back with a favorite stuffed animal on her belly. Have her watch the stuffed animal, which will naturally rise and fall as she breathes in and out. Teach your child to breathe in through their nose slowly, to hold their breath for a few seconds, then slowly release the breath as they watch their stuffed animal rise and fall to match their breaths.
Take a mindful walk around the block or at a local park with your child. Take in the sights, sounds and smells. What does your body feel like as you’re walking? What muscles do you feel working the most? Notice sounds you may hear, especially subtle sounds like a leaf skittering across the grass, or the crunch of a leaf as you step in. This will help them relax, get in a little bit of exercise and learn to appreciate all their body does to keep them moving.
Have a mindful meal or snack with your child. As you eat, do so mindfully. Focus on the food. What are the colors? How does it taste and smell? Have your child describe what happens when they chew and swallow. Have them notice what muscles are moving as they eat or bring the food to their mouth.
Children learn what they see at home, so by modeling mindfulness practices yourself, you will benefit them greatly.
Are you a parent looking for unique ways to cope with challenging parenting issues? A licensed therapist can provide the support and guidance you need. Give my office a call today and let’s schedule a time to talk.
For their children to succeed as adults, many parents think they’ve got to be involved in numerous extracurricular activities. Perhaps we believe this abundance of activities will foster a sense of pride and accomplishment. But is this excessive involvement in activities doing more harm than good? According to a study published in the journal “Sport, […]
For their children to succeed as adults, many parents think they’ve got to be involved in numerous extracurricular activities. Perhaps we believe this abundance of activities will foster a sense of pride and accomplishment. But is this excessive involvement in activities doing more harm than good?
According to a study published in the journal “Sport, Education, and Society,” the social demands of an extracurricular-heavy schedule are not only placing an unprecedented strain on families, but also potentially harming children’s development and well-being.
The researchers interviewed 50 families of primary-aged children and found that 88% of the kids were involved in extracurricular activities four to five days a week. These activities were the central focus of family life, especially in households with more than one child. As a consequence, families were spending less quality time together and children were exhausted.
The researchers from the journal “Sport, Education, and Society” were quick to warn parents of the potential negative impact of an over-stuffed school schedule: “Raising awareness of this issue can help those parents who feel under pressure to invest in their children’s organized activities, and are concerned with the impact of such activities on their family, to have the confidence to plan a less hectic schedule for their children.”
Helping Your Child Find a Balance
In order for extracurricular activities to do more good than harm, parents have to make sure family time takes precedence. Here are some ways you can help your child find a balance:
Let Kids be Kids
Make sure there is enough non-structured time for kids to express themselves in creative ways. This freedom allows children time for the joy of self-discovery. Adult-organized activities can restrict this natural inclination.
Recognize the Importance of Family Time
As I mentioned, the study found that too many kid activities lead to a major strain on family time. Other studies have shown the importance of family bonds to a child’s development and well-being. While you may initially feel hesitant in taking your child out of some of their activities, just remember the benefits of spending more time as a family.
Talk to Your Child
Don’t decide which activities stay and which go without first getting input from your child. He or she should be able to help decide the activities that bring them the most benefits and joy.
Nowadays, kids and adults can find themselves juggling way too many responsibilities. It’s important for all of us to slow down, relax, and spend as much time as we can as a family. If you’re looking for an expert to help your family come together again, please reach out to me today.
Sources:
https://psychcentral.com/news/2018/05/15/too-many-extracurricular-activities-for-kids-may-do-more-harm-than-good/135388.html
https://psychcentral.com/news/2016/12/01/parents-should-not-put-too-much-pressure-on-kids/113269.html
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200301/are-we-pushing-our-kids-too-hard
There was a time when young kids went to school, came home and did a little homework, then went outside to play with their friends. Their schedules were open and easy for them to handle. Nowadays, more and more young kids are involved in so many activities they don’t seem to have time to play […]
There was a time when young kids went to school, came home and did a little homework, then went outside to play with their friends. Their schedules were open and easy for them to handle.
Nowadays, more and more young kids are involved in so many activities they don’t seem to have time to play in the backyard. On top of school, many kids are involved in two or three team sports, music lessons, and church activities. These kids often struggle to keep up with their school & extracurricular activity load and find themselves anxious and having trouble sleeping.
Alvin Rosenfeld, M.D., a child psychiatrist and author of The Over-Scheduled Child: Avoiding the Hyper-Parenting Trap, believes that enrolling children in too many activities is a nationwide problem. “Overscheduling our children is not only a widespread phenomenon, it’s how we parent today,” he says.
“Parents feel remiss that they’re not being good parents if their kids aren’t in all kinds of activities. Children are under pressure to achieve, to be competitive.”
Kids Want to Please Their Parents
While we may think we are doing our kids a service by signing them up for activities we think they’ll enjoy and will build character and confidence, we must understand that they may not want or be able to handle so much.
Some of us may look back on our own childhoods with regret and dismay and vow that our kids will have more. These good intentions often turn into childhood nightmares for our kids. We mean well, but it’s just too much for them to handle.
Here are some things parents can do to help their children balance their schoolwork and extracurricular activities:
Lighten Up
Parents need to lighten up and remember that childhood is supposed to be fun! There will be plenty of time to be serious when they are adults. Try to put less pressure on your child to achieve something grand, and spend more time making happy memories together.
Understand the Benefits of Self-Direction
Independent work and play times are highly beneficial to the developing mind and ego. Alone time also helps children process their experiences and de-stress.
Talk to Your Child
You won’t know if your child is struggling to keep up with his or her activities unless you talk openly with them about it. If some activities need to be removed from the schedule, work with your child to figure out which one(s) to keep and which to let go.
Extracurricular activities like music, arts, and sports can definitely play an important role in your child’s development. Just make sure your child does not become overwhelmed by too many activities.
If you’re looking for an expert to help your child manage their stress and avoid becoming overwhelmed, please reach out to me today.
Sources:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200301/the-overbooked-child
https://www.everydayhealth.com/kids-health/balancing-school-with-extracurricular-activities.aspx
https://childmind.org/article/finding-the-balance-with-after-school-activities/
No parent likes hearing that their child is acting out in class. At first, most of us want to blame ourselves and figure out what we’ve done wrong. When we come up empty, we tend to put the blame on our child, and sometimes we even get angry. The truth is, parents do the best […]
No parent likes hearing that their child is acting out in class. At first, most of us want to blame ourselves and figure out what we’ve done wrong. When we come up empty, we tend to put the blame on our child, and sometimes we even get angry.
The truth is, parents do the best they can and so do their children. There are a myriad of reasons why children act out at school.
Big Changes
A divorce, move to a new city, or death in the family are big life events that are hard on everyone. This is particularly true for young children who do not know how to express their feelings and have not yet developed coping mechanisms.
Sleep Issues
Has something happened to interrupt your child’s sleep patterns? Are they not getting their naps? Are they waking up frequently during the night from noisy neighbors or growing pains? Even adults act out when we don’t get proper sleep.
Self-Esteem Issues
Children develop self-esteem issues for different reasons, but one of the ramifications is changes in mood that can lead to disruptive behavior.
These are some of the reasons why your child may be acting out in school. But now the questions becomes, what can you do about it as their parent?
Talk to Your Child
First, see if you can pinpoint the cause. If it’s not something already listed, do some digging. Take your child to the doctor. Is their hearing and sight okay? Do they have any GI trouble? Are they being picked on? Are they getting enough exercise? Talk openly with your child and ask them what is going on.
Set Boundaries
If your child has never had any problems acting out in the past, they may not be clear on what is and is NOT acceptable behavior. Make it clear what you expect from that at home as well as school.
Seek Counseling
You may be able to identify and solve the issue yourself. For example, if your child was frustrated from their poor eyesight, a trip to the eye doctor may quickly solve your problems. However, if the behavioral issue stems from a big life change or poor self-esteem, you may need the assistance of a trained behavioral therapist.
If you have a child who is acting out in school and are interested in exploring treatment options, please be in touch. I would be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.
Sources:
https://blogs.psychcentral.com/childhood-behavioral/2018/07/8-reasons-why-your-child-might-be-having-prolonged-behavior-issues-that-arent-concerning/
https://blogs.psychcentral.com/parenting-tips/2012/07/7-hints-for-setting-boundaries-with-your-kids/
https://www.apa.org/helpcenter/children-medication.aspx
Kids love playing sports. And parents love that their kids can get all of that excess energy out while learning the benefits of hard work and comradery. But with the thrill of competition comes the hard reality: that sometimes you lose. Some children are barely affected by a loss. They are truly happy just running […]
Kids love playing sports. And parents love that their kids can get all of that excess energy out while learning the benefits of hard work and comradery.
But with the thrill of competition comes the hard reality: that sometimes you lose. Some children are barely affected by a loss. They are truly happy just running around on the field or court with their friends. Other children, however, can be almost devastated by a loss.
There are a few things you can do if your child seems to struggle after losing a game:
Listen
Don’t assume you know exactly what is bothering your child. Before you provide any advice, listen to how and what they are feeling so you know how best to address the issue.
Ask Questions
Some kids, especially very young ones, may have a hard time processing their feelings. They know they feel bad, but they can’t express exactly what it is that is bothering them. Consider asking questions like:
• What part of the game was the most and least fun for you?
• Were you satisfied with your efforts?
• What did you think you did well, and what could you work on for the next game?
• What was something important you learned from today’s game?
Don’t Deny Reality
There is no point in telling your child that it doesn’t matter (when it does to them) or that they did great (if they didn’t). They know the truth and if you’re denying it, they’ll have a hard time believing anything you say in the future.
Instead of denying reality, be open with your child while gently guiding the conversation toward future strategies for positive outcomes.
Don’t Try to Protect Your Child
Many parents try to shield their child from feeling any negative emotions. While you may think you are protecting your child, the fact is, disappointment and loss is a part of life. Losing a game is actually a pretty good life lesson.
Disappointment and sadness feel bad, but you don’t want to teach your child to avoid bad feelings. These feelings play a key role in your child’s emotional, intellectual and social development. It is important for your child to learn to deal with setbacks now so they don’t derail them as adults.
Avoid your instinct to “protect” your child from disappoint. Instead, guide them through their emotions and help them learn to cope.
If your child has a particularly hard time dealing with loss and disappointment and you would like to have them talk to someone, please be in touch. I’d be happy to discuss treatment options.
When your child was small, they most likely couldn’t go to bed at night unless they had their favorite blanky or stuffed animal. Well, just because they’re “all grown up” doesn’t mean they still don’t have dependencies. Teens today can’t seem to go to bed, or anywhere else for that matter, without their beloved smartphone […]
When your child was small, they most likely couldn’t go to bed at night unless they had their favorite blanky or stuffed animal. Well, just because they’re “all grown up” doesn’t mean they still don’t have dependencies. Teens today can’t seem to go to bed, or anywhere else for that matter, without their beloved smartphone by their side.
When I was a teenager, my friends and I would go out bowling or to get a pizza. We’d actually make eye contact with one another and, you know, talk. But pay attention to the gaggles of teens in malls and other public spaces and they all have their heads down, eyes glued to their phones! It would seem cellphones are the modern security blanket and no teen wants to be without theirs.
In this way, you could almost classify this dependency on technology as an outright addiction. A strong word for sure, but perhaps one that fits perfectly in this case.
The University of Maryland conducted a study as part of The World Unplugged project where researchers evaluated students from 10 different countries to see what would happen when the students had to forgo their phones for 24 hours. Their results were eye opening. They found that the majority of students experienced distressed during this 24-hour period.
Another large-scale study involving more than 2,500 college students found that 60% of them admitted to being addicted to their phone.
But this addiction can sometimes lead to unhealthy mental behaviors. For instance, researchers at the Catholic University of Daegu in South Korea found that teens who used their smartphones the most showed troubling psychological issues such as aggression, depression, anxiety and tended to withdrawal more.
While more research is needed, and while not everyone in the mental health community categorizes cellphone addiction as a real disorder, yet, it is clear that teens are having trouble curbing their own technological desires.
Signs Your Teen May be Addicted to Their Phone
How do you prevent your own kid from experiencing the aggression, depression and anxiety associated with overuse of a smartphone? First, you must recognize signs that there may be a problem:
– They feel the need to respond to everything immediately. They seem unable to resist that urge.
– They constantly check their phone, even when it isn’t ringing or vibrating. This behavior actually has a name and is called ‘phantom vibration’. This is a definite sign that your teen may have an addiction.
– They are disconnected from the real world and ignore what is happening right in front of them.
– They feel anxious and even angry when they are away from their phone.
What You Can Do?
First, try speaking with your teen about their phone use. They may or may not be receptive to the talk, but it’s a good idea to make the effort before you suddenly throw down new cellphone rules and regulations.
Next, set some rules. Understand this will be hard for your teen to accept, so go a bit easy. You may want to start by saying cellphones are not allowed at the dinner table. Of course, you as a parent must follow your own rules.
Next, you might want to enforce a “no bedtime” rule. Studies have found electronic equipment like laptops and cellphones hinder sleep. Try and encourage your teen to leave their phone in their bag and try some quiet time before bed by reading or listening to music.
Above all, encourage your teen to start regulating their own behaviors. That’s what growing up is all about. Ask for their input before setting rules but be firm about enforcing them.
If you find you have trouble speaking with your teen, you may want to seek the guidance of a trained therapist who can facilitate communication and offer tools for managing any upsets moving forward.
If you would like to explore family treatment options, please get in touch with me. I’d be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.
For many parents, bullying brings up memories of the schoolyard. You may have memories of yourself or a friend being bullied in the classroom or on the school bus. But today, social media has created a whole new realm for bullying, expanding the problem and making it easier for children to be harassed. If you’re […]
For many parents, bullying brings up memories of the schoolyard. You may have memories of yourself or a friend being bullied in the classroom or on the school bus.
But today, social media has created a whole new realm for bullying, expanding the problem and making it easier for children to be harassed.
If you’re concerned that your child may be being bullied, look for these signs.
Difficulty Sleeping
Difficulty falling or staying asleep, or tiredness in the morning could be a sign of bullying or depression. Your child may be too anxious to fall or stay asleep; they may be crying themselves to sleep or having nightmares. Wetting the bed is another sign of fear or anxiety in a child.
Unexplained Injuries
Does your child come home from school with bruises, scrapes, cuts or torn clothes? When you ask your child about the injury or ruined clothing, do they appear nervous or avoid answering your questions? Attempt to assess if these are normal injuries as a result of play, or a sign of playground bullying. Ask them open-ended questions such as, “What happened at recess today?”
Avoids Social Situations
If you notice your child has lost friends or has developed a reluctance to spend time with them, this may be a sign of bullying. You may also notice your child is afraid to ride the bus or avoids school entirely by skipping classes or feigning an illness. They may go to the school nurse with a mystery ache to get you to pick them up early from school. If you’re beginning to notice a pattern, try talking to them about it. “I’m starting to notice you’re feeling sick a lot lately. Is everything okay at school?”
Changes in Eating Habits
If you notice your child’s eating habits are changing, such as skipping meals or binge eating, this can be a sign that something’s wrong. If your child comes home from school very hungry, it could be because they didn’t eat lunch. They could be too nervous during lunch time to eat, getting their lunch or lunch money stolen, or possibly avoiding the cafeteria entirely because of bullying or harassment.
Changes in Social Media Habits
When a child is being bullied online, they may start spending too much time on their devices or avoiding them entirely. Monitor their social media sites by friending or following, and if you suspect bullying, check their phone for harassing messages. You may also want to look into parental control and monitoring apps.
If you believe your child is being bullied at school, contact their teacher, the school principal or the school counselor or psychologist. You can also visit StopBullying.gov for more help and resources. If you or your child need professional help to deal with a bullying situation, please call my office today so we can schedule an appointment.
