Kids love playing sports. And parents love that their kids can get all of that excess energy out while learning the benefits of hard work and comradery. But with the thrill of competition comes the hard reality: that sometimes you lose. Some children are barely affected by a loss. They are truly happy just running […]
Kids love playing sports. And parents love that their kids can get all of that excess energy out while learning the benefits of hard work and comradery.
But with the thrill of competition comes the hard reality: that sometimes you lose. Some children are barely affected by a loss. They are truly happy just running around on the field or court with their friends. Other children, however, can be almost devastated by a loss.
There are a few things you can do if your child seems to struggle after losing a game:
Listen
Don’t assume you know exactly what is bothering your child. Before you provide any advice, listen to how and what they are feeling so you know how best to address the issue.
Ask Questions
Some kids, especially very young ones, may have a hard time processing their feelings. They know they feel bad, but they can’t express exactly what it is that is bothering them. Consider asking questions like:
• What part of the game was the most and least fun for you?
• Were you satisfied with your efforts?
• What did you think you did well, and what could you work on for the next game?
• What was something important you learned from today’s game?
Don’t Deny Reality
There is no point in telling your child that it doesn’t matter (when it does to them) or that they did great (if they didn’t). They know the truth and if you’re denying it, they’ll have a hard time believing anything you say in the future.
Instead of denying reality, be open with your child while gently guiding the conversation toward future strategies for positive outcomes.
Don’t Try to Protect Your Child
Many parents try to shield their child from feeling any negative emotions. While you may think you are protecting your child, the fact is, disappointment and loss is a part of life. Losing a game is actually a pretty good life lesson.
Disappointment and sadness feel bad, but you don’t want to teach your child to avoid bad feelings. These feelings play a key role in your child’s emotional, intellectual and social development. It is important for your child to learn to deal with setbacks now so they don’t derail them as adults.
Avoid your instinct to “protect” your child from disappoint. Instead, guide them through their emotions and help them learn to cope.
If your child has a particularly hard time dealing with loss and disappointment and you would like to have them talk to someone, please be in touch. I’d be happy to discuss treatment options.
“Ahh, the good ol’ days.” How often have we heard or uttered this familiar phrase? It can be a source of great pleasure and amusement to reminisce on a time when we were younger, remembering a special event or activity. We tend to look at our past experiences through a filter that magnifies the positive […]
“Ahh, the good ol’ days.” How often have we heard or uttered this familiar phrase? It can be a source of great pleasure and amusement to reminisce on a time when we were younger, remembering a special event or activity. We tend to look at our past experiences through a filter that magnifies the positive while diminishing the negative. While there’s no harm in basking in a memory, it can be harmful if you spend so much time looking at your past, that you neglect your present and future.
If you’re someone who spends too much time thinking about the “glory days” of your youth, you might think it’s because your life has become dull and monotonous. With the carefree days of your youth behind you, you might long to be back in that time period to escape your present. But if you take a closer look and examine your life, you may be surprised to notice that you look back not because your past was so great, but rather because your present is not. The more time you spend reminiscing, the worse your current life becomes, neglected by daydreaming of the past instead of imagining new heights to which you can aspire.
Get Rid of Unneeded Memorabilia
Sometimes a memento is a special memory of a special time, and sometimes it’s just an object that’s imprisoning you in your past. Getting rid of an excess of items associated with the past will help you stop living in days gone by, and free you to live in and enjoy the present.
Fully Appreciate Each Day
As Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.” One way to stop living in the past is to enjoy and appreciate each day. Start keeping a journal and jot down three things you’re grateful for each day. Take a walk, or cook a special meal. Enjoy the sights, sounds and smells of every day.
Make Future Plans
Nothing can keep you from looking to the past quite like looking to the future. Plan a vacation or create a goal you want to reach in the near and distant future. Maybe you want to learn a new language, start playing the piano, or read all the classic novels. There’s a lot of life waiting to be lived, so make the most of it.
While there’s certainly nothing wrong with a moment of nostalgia, it’s important to live in the present, and spend your time enjoying your life as you live it. If you make the effort to create a better life for yourself today and in the future, you’ll not only bring yourself great happiness and satisfaction, but you’ll create many more memories to relish in the days to come.
If you’re struggling and looking for support and guidance to create a better, more satisfying life, a licensed professional can help. Call my office today and let’s schedule a time to talk.
For many athletes, being “in the zone” is an immersive moment of super productivity; a type of tunnel vision, where one is hyper-focused on something to become our best and most powerful self. Professional survival expert Mike Horn had this to say about “the zone”: “And the moment that everything slows down, is that perfect […]
For many athletes, being “in the zone” is an immersive moment of super productivity; a type of tunnel vision, where one is hyper-focused on something to become our best and most powerful self. Professional survival expert Mike Horn had this to say about “the zone”: “And the moment that everything slows down, is that perfect moment of flow and nothing is rushed.”
The oft sought after yet illusive state of being “in the zone” is the number one goal for many athletes. If you’re struggling to get in the zone, here are some techniques to get you in that winning mindset.
Physical Routines
First, create a physical routine to prepare your body as well as any equipment you may be utilizing. Ideas for physical routines include: checking your equipment to make sure everything is ready; preparing clothes or other items you need in advance; listening to music to get you feeling positive and upbeat. You can also make your warm-up a bit more special by breathing into each step during warm-up, hyper-focusing on getting your muscles really loose. You can also meet with your teammates to review your strategies and game plans.
Mental Routines
The next step in your routine is to prepare your mind. Use your mind to clear your thoughts and focus on your goals. For example, you can take 10 minutes to analyze the different situations you might face, and how you would handle each scenario. You can also try reading over positive affirmations or motivating quotes. Visualize yourself performing at your best, focusing on how your body feels as you perform, then imagine yourself achieving your goals. Review game strategies and visualize yourself executing each play successfully. Visualize yourself performing at your best, and beating your opponents.
Strategy
Your final step is strategy: tactically prepare. Think about how you’re going to execute your game plan, and how you will overcome unexpected or tough situations.
Once you’ve developed your pre-game routine, practice it before your next game and work on memorizing the steps as you do them. Through trial and error, and perhaps advice from your peers, you can then determine which strategies do or don’t work for you, making adjustments as needed. Keep practicing this method until you finalize your routine. Use this routine on a regular and consistent basis to help you “get in the zone”.
Finding your state of ultimate concentration and focus doesn’t have to be difficult. With knowledge, practice, and consistency you can get into the zone quickly and more often.
Are you an athlete looking for help and guidance to achieve your athletic goals? Call my office today and let’s set up an appointment to talk.
