Quick question: Do you like yourself? When asked this question, most people respond by saying something like, “Of course I like myself.” While their words say they like themselves, what do their actions say? Are you someone who’s comfortable in their own skin? Are you happy with your appearance, or are you constantly comparing yourself […]
Quick question: Do you like yourself?
When asked this question, most people respond by saying something like, “Of course I like myself.” While their words say they like themselves, what do their actions say?
Are you someone who’s comfortable in their own skin? Are you happy with your appearance, or are you constantly comparing yourself to others, wishing you could be more like them? When you look in the mirror, what do you see? A superstar, or someone who doesn’t quite live up to your own expectations?
The thing is, our self-esteem is based on how we feel about ourselves, right now in this moment. Sure, it’s okay to strive to become a better version of ourselves, so long as we accept this current version, flaws and all.
If you’re someone who is overly self-critical, here are 5 ways you can learn to like yourself better:
1. Enjoy Your Accomplishments
Some people are so focused on everything that’s wrong with them, they never take a look at what’s right. When you’ve done something well, it’s important that you admit this success and enjoy it.
It doesn’t have to be something huge, either. It could be that you made a really delicious lasagna. Allow yourself the pleasure of enjoying every single bite, and happily receive any compliments from those you cooked for.
2. Understand That No One is Perfect
If you’ve been comparing yourself to other people, it’s time for you to stop and realize that no one is perfect. Not the models you see on the cover of magazines, nor the actors in the movies. They have professional makeup artists and are lit perfectly Heck, most of them have been photoshopped.
Not even the so-called perfect among us are actually perfect. The sooner you can accept this fact the sooner you can relax and like who you are.
3. Have Patience with Yourself
Perhaps there are things about yourself that you would like to change. Do you want to lose weight, get healthier, learn a new language?
Often we hate ourselves for not reaching impossible goals we have set for ourselves. If there are goals you would like to reach, be realistic in setting timelines and be patient with yourself.
4. Look at Your Past with a Kind Eye
Sometimes we don’t like ourselves because of past actions and behaviors. It’s important to give yourself some slack. When you were young, you may not have always acted kindly toward loved ones or strangers. Maybe you acted selfishly more often than you care to admit. But this is a part of being young.
The best thing to do is embrace your past, warts and all, and see what you can learn from your actions and behaviors.
5. Like “Most” of Yourself
You may never like 100% of yourself, and that’s okay. Strive to like 80% or 90%. You can still live an incredibly happy life when you think ‘only’ 85% of you is awesome.
A healthy self-esteem is important to our overall well-being, but getting there can be difficult, especially if you’ve suffered from a low self-esteem your entire life. Working with a therapist can be very beneficial. Someone who is impartial and completely new to you can help you gain clarity and a new perspective on yourself and your life.
If you or a loved one is interested in exploring treatment, please contact me today. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help.
It is said that if you live long enough, you’ll eventually hit middle age. Once they hit that mark, many people begin to look around at their life and notice what is working and what isn’t. Unfortunately, some people notice much of their life isn’t working, at least not in the way they thought it […]
It is said that if you live long enough, you’ll eventually hit middle age. Once they hit that mark, many people begin to look around at their life and notice what is working and what isn’t. Unfortunately, some people notice much of their life isn’t working, at least not in the way they thought it would, and a crisis strikes.
What’s Really Going on in a Midlife Crisis?
For many of us, middle age is the first time in our lives that we pause for a moment to reflect. Birth, in a way, is like a slingshot, catapulting us into life at a significant speed. That momentum never slows as we gain an education, make friends, choose a career, commit to a significant other, have children, raise them as best we can, and plan for our retirement.
Eventually the pace of life begins to slow and we find we have more time to take stock of our lives; of what we’ve become and where we seem to be headed. And what do many of us find at this juncture?
We find we’ve been so busy earning a good living, keeping up with the Joneses (whoever they are), and pleasing everyone around us, that we haven’t always made decisions based on our own self-interests. In other words, we find ourselves lost and unable to recognize our lives as anything that we once imagined.
4 Ways to Cope with a Midlife Crisis
It’s important to understand that in this situation, the word “crisis” is a bit dramatic. Midlife crises aren’t traumas; they are instead wakeup calls that alert us to the fact we need to start taking better care of our minds, hearts and bodies.
With this in mind, here are four ways you can cope with your own midlife wakeup call.
Get Active
As I mentioned, midlife is generally when many of us finally begin to slow down. While this slowing can lead to mental and emotional insights, it can also lead to aches and pains. In other words, slow your pace of life but not your physical activity.
Now is the time to become even more active. If you haven’t been exercising, start now. Take up a new sport, try dance lessons, go hiking. Keeping your body limber and pain-free will help you stay positive.
Embrace Your Creative Side
Everyone has a creative side. That’s what life is, one big creative project. But many of us completely ignore our creative impulses either because of a lack of time or a belief that we’re “not talented enough.” That’s hogwash! Tapping into your creativity is one of the best ways to reconnect with your true self.
Do something to feed your creativity. Write in a journal. Learn how to paint. Take piano lessons. Not only will this bring you joy, learning something new keeps your brain young and active and fends off dementia and Alzheimer’s.
Make Some Changes
Midlife is an opportunity to make some changes you’ve been wanting to make. A change could be a simple as finally painting a room in your house, to getting your teeth whitened or a tattoo you’ve had your eye on, or to finally dumping some of your toxic friends. Start making choices based on your own needs, you’ve earned it.
Hang Out with Like-Minded People
Social interaction is key to a happy and healthy life. But many of us spend the majority of our adult lives around people we don’t like very much: namely coworkers and the parents of our children’s friends. Now is the time to surround yourself with those people who support and nourish you, and share common passions and interests.
A midlife crisis doesn’t have to be a crisis at all but a chance for you to take control and make different choices in your life.
If you or a loved one is experiencing a midlife crisis and is interested in exploring treatment, please contact me today. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help.
For many people, drinking alcohol is something that is done on occasion and in moderation. Having a glass or two of champagne on New Year’s Eve or a cocktail out with friends is nothing to be concerned about. For others, however, alcohol is not something one marks a special occasion with; it is the main event. There […]
For many people, drinking alcohol is something that is done on occasion and in moderation. Having a glass or two of champagne on New Year’s Eve or a cocktail out with friends is nothing to be concerned about.
For others, however, alcohol is not something one marks a special occasion with; it is the main event.
There are a variety of factors that can influence a person’s behavior when it comes to drinking such as genetics, biology and the environment. While the reasons one becomes addicted to alcohol can vary, what is consistent is a desire to keep drinking, despite being shown the devastation it is causing to their life.
Here are some of the most common excuses people make to keep drinking:
I’ll Lose My Friends if I Quit Drinking
Many a social life is based on partying and having a good time, and that typically includes drinking alcohol. This is especially true for younger people, who feel pressured to drink when they are around their friends. “No one will invite me to their parties if I refuse to drink.” “Everyone will think I’m weird or uptight if I’m the only one not drinking.”
While friends and associates may take notice, it’s important to realize that real friends will want to spend time with you no matter what. Those that don’t may have a drinking problem themselves and are uncomfortable around your healthy change in behavior.
Wine is Good for Me
While numerous studies have suggested consuming alcohol, red wine in particular, can benefit the heart and improve cholesterol levels, all speak of consuming in moderate amounts. In fact, a majority of US health agencies recommend no more than two drinks a day for men, and only one for women.
So, while some studies suggest drinking in moderation is good for health, the amount is really key. If you find you are drinking more than one or two glasses each day, you are no longer promoting health.
Drinking Relieves Stress
It’s no secret that stress can wreak havoc on our health. And no one can really blame a person if they want to somehow “take the edge off.” But alcohol consumption is not the healthiest ways to deal with stress. For those with unhealthy drinking behaviors, the one or two glasses needed to take that edge off turns into three, four and more. Stress and alcohol feed off of each other.
There are much healthier ways to alleviate stress such as meditation and yoga.
Quitting drinking is incredibly difficult, but, with the right support, it can be done. If you or a loved one has a drinking problem and is interested in exploring treatment, please contact me today. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help.
It’s normal to feel anxious from time to time. Perhaps you get a bit nervous speaking in front of people or going on a job interview. But for some people, anxiety becomes a frequent and forceful occurrence that completely takes over their lives. Since anxiety comes in many forms, for instance panic attacks, phobias and […]
It’s normal to feel anxious from time to time. Perhaps you get a bit nervous speaking in front of people or going on a job interview. But for some people, anxiety becomes a frequent and forceful occurrence that completely takes over their lives.
Since anxiety comes in many forms, for instance panic attacks, phobias and social anxiety, it can often be difficult to tell if what you’re experiencing is “normal” or has crossed the line into a mood disorder.
If you are experiencing any of the following symptoms, you may want to speak with a counselor who can help you cope with your anxiety.
Excessive Worry
General anxiety disorder (GAD), the broadest type of anxiety, is characterized by excessive worry. People with GAD worry too much about everyday things, both big and small. But what constitutes “too much worry?”
With GAD, people are plagued with persistent, anxious thoughts most days of the week. This anxiety can become so overwhelming it interferes with their daily life. If you are worrying to a degree that you have trouble doing daily tasks and are suffering with your emotions, it may be time to speak with a therapist.
Trouble Sleeping
Sleep issues such as falling asleep or staying asleep have been associated with a myriad of health conditions, both physical and psychological. It’s normal for people to have trouble sleeping from time to time. Perhaps you find yourself tossing and turning before a big job interview or giving a presentation.
However, if you find yourself night after night lying awake, anxious about specific problems (such as relationship problems or financial difficulties), or even about nothing in particular, it may be a sign of an anxiety disorder.
Muscle Tension
Anxiety disorders can often be accompanied by persistent muscle tension. Do you find yourself clenching your jaw or balling your fists throughout the day? You may have lived with this chronic muscular tension for so long you don’t even realize it anymore. While exercise can help relax muscles, therapy will get to the root cause of the anxiety.
Digestive Problems
While anxiety lives in the mind, it is often manifested in the body through chronic digestive problems, such as irritable bowel syndrome. Our guts are very sensitive to emotional and psychological stress. Unfortunately, digestive upset can often make a person feel even more anxious.
Panic Attacks
Panic attacks can be a frightening experience. You are suddenly gripped with an overwhelming feeling of dread and fear. These are often accompanied by physical symptoms such as shortness of breath, racing heart, dizziness, and profuse sweating. Though not everyone who has an anxiety disorder will experience panic attacks, but those that do live in constant fear.
Anxiety disorders keep people from living a joyful and fulfilling life. Luckily there is help. A therapist can assist in uncovering the root cause of the anxiety and offer tools to cope.
If you or a loved one is interested in exploring treatment, please contact me today. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help.
The origin of many human behaviors can be batted around in the nature/nurture debate. But when it comes to self-esteem, we know with absolute certainty there are always external causes of it. No child is born with low self-esteem; rather self-critical thought patterns develop over time as a result of external stimuli and input from […]
The origin of many human behaviors can be batted around in the nature/nurture debate. But when it comes to self-esteem, we know with absolute certainty there are always external causes of it.
No child is born with low self-esteem; rather self-critical thought patterns develop over time as a result of external stimuli and input from others.
Below are some causes of low self-esteem. However, remember low self-esteem can be improved and just listing out potential causes doesn’t do nearly enough justice to the individual causes of low self-esteem. That’s something that therapy can help explore.
OK. Without further ado, here are some causes of low self-esteem:
Parental Input
The most important influence in a child’s life is their parents. If the parents themselves have a healthy self-esteem they will be able to more easily pass it on to the child. Conversely, children of parents with low self-esteem will, more often than not, adopt this belief about themselves.
To help instill a positive self-esteem in their child, parents should always offer love, patience and encouragement and avoid criticism, unfair comparisons and unrealistic expectations.
Negative Self Talk
When children receive too many criticisms, they may develop a negative pattern of thinking. If not adjusted, this pattern can turn into a destructive loop of negative thoughts like:
These self-critical thoughts eventually become core beliefs, and the person’s behavior then changes to match those beliefs.
These are just a few of the causes of low self-esteem, but they illustrate that esteem is not an inherited trait like eye color or height, but rather a set of acquired beliefs. And, like everything that is acquired, self-esteem can be altered.
No matter what may have caused low self-esteem, there are ways to improve it.
1. Challenge Your Inner Critic
That self-critical voice must be silenced and replaced with a supportive one. How do you do this? First, when a negative thought pops into your head, simply become aware of it. Treat that thought like an object in a store and you’re deciding whether you want to buy it or not.
Next, challenge that thought by asking two questions:
Chances are the answers you’ll get most often are “no” and “no.” When this happens enough times, you’ll start to believe that maybe, just maybe, your inner critic is entirely wrong!
2. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
So many people spend countless hours measuring their worth and value against others’ instead of embracing what makes them unique. You truly are the only you on the planet. No one else has your DNA or your life experiences, and that is incredibly special. It’s very important you stop spending time comparing yourself to others and start spending time sharing your unique talents and ideas with the world.
3. Stop Striving for Perfection
Only things that are finished can be critiqued and considered perfect or not. A cake is either perfectly moist or dreadfully dry. A building is either perfectly functional or a pointless eyesore.
Human beings are never finished. We are lovely works in progress, ever-changing and growing. And, since we will never stop evolving, we must never be critiqued in the same way as an inanimate object.
So, stop trying to be perfect and just be your awesome progressing self.
If you’ve tried putting some of these tips into action but haven’t noticed a difference in the way you feel about yourself, speaking with a counselor can help you determine what’s at the root cause of your low self-esteem and offers tools to fix it.
If you or a loved one is interested in exploring treatment, please contact me today. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help.
It is estimated that ADHD affects roughly 9% of American children between the ages of 13 and 18. ADHD can make ordinary childhood activities like going to school and being part of a sport’s team incredibly difficult. It can make life at home challenging as well. (SOURCE) Children with ADHD may exhibit one or more of […]
It is estimated that ADHD affects roughly 9% of American children between the ages of 13 and 18. ADHD can make ordinary childhood activities like going to school and being part of a sport’s team incredibly difficult. It can make life at home challenging as well. (SOURCE)
Children with ADHD may exhibit one or more of the following behaviors:
Every child is different and the severity of symptoms can vary greatly depending on environment, diet and other factors.
Treatment
ADHD is commonly treated with medications such as Ritalin and Adderall. While each child is different, and medication can be an effective treatment method for some, it’s important to remember that these medications come with a host of side effects. Ritalin stimulates the central nervous system and can cause agitation, anxiety, insomnia, increased heart rate and blood pressure, and even psychosis.
Adderall is a highly-addictive amphetamine whose potential side effects include hallucinations, tremors, high blood pressure, irregular heartbeats, and extreme mood swings.
These are very scary side effects, particularly when talking about children sometimes as young as five-years-old being prescribed these medications. It’s easy to understand why parents would want to seek natural alternatives.
The good news is, there are natural remedies that have been found very effective at helping your child address ADHD behavioral challenges. Again, each child is different, so it’s important to recognize that what is appropriate and works for one child might not for another. But these are good natural strategies to implement and see if they can help your child.
1. A Clean Diet
Many researchers are pointing to modern foods as the cause of the increase in ADHD cases seen each year. And is it any wonder? Much of our modern food is laden with toxic additives like artificial sweeteners, preservatives, and food colorings. Many of these can be found in foods geared toward young kids.
One of the best ways to treat ADHD naturally is to clean up your child’s diet. Ensure your whole family eats additive-free, unprocessed whole foods. This means spending more time shopping on those outer grocery aisles and less time in the middle ones where packaged foods line the shelves.
2. Supplementation
Even when eating a clean diet rich in fruits and veggies, we often can’t get enough nutrients from our food and must turn to supplementation. The EPA/DHA in fish oil are critical for brain health and can reduce symptoms of ADHD and improve learning.
Since ADHD has also been connected to digestive issues, a quality probiotic that can improve gut health is also recommended.
And finally, a multi-vitamin that contains all of the B-vitamins is essential. B-vitamins help with the formation of serotonin. Low levels of serotonin have been linked to ADHD.
3. Exercise
Too many children are sitting in front of the TV or their smartphones, playing video games and texting their friends. But young people with ADHD have an excess of energy, and it’s got to go somewhere. Along with diet and supplementation, physical exercise is key in treating ADHD naturally.
Make exercise something the whole family can do together. Go hiking or bike riding, climb a rock wall at your local gym, or go kayaking. Exercise will help your child’s symptoms and bring you closer together.
Family therapy is another way to heal the pain or confusion that has been caused by ADHD. If you or a loved one is interested in exploring treatment, please contact me today. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help.
Watching a loved one suffer from depression is incredibly difficult. All you want to do is help them feel better. But when it becomes obvious you can’t take their pain away, you can become frustrated. As a friend or family member of someone suffering from depression, it’s important to remember that your loved one is […]
Watching a loved one suffer from depression is incredibly difficult. All you want to do is help them feel better. But when it becomes obvious you can’t take their pain away, you can become frustrated.
As a friend or family member of someone suffering from depression, it’s important to remember that your loved one is dealing with a real medical condition and you are, most likely, not equipped to handle their recovery alone.
Having said that, there are things you can do to support your loved one and help them on their journey back toward health and happiness.
Understand Treatment is Key
As we mentioned, depression is a medical condition and it requires treatment from a professional therapist. Do not try and take on someone’s depression by yourself. Yes, lend support, care, and compassion, but understand that they will need medical treatment, just as they would if their leg was broken. If they themselves do not recognize how important treatment is, do your best to help them understand.
Be Vocal
Often loved ones suffering from depression are the topic of conversation, but not part of it. It’s not enough to talk to other family members and discuss how concerned you are about your sister or uncle, let your sister and uncle know you see them suffering and you’re there for support. Offer to drive them to therapy or simply lend an ear. Those suffering from depression often feel lonely and isolated, so reach out as best you can.
Help Them Stay Part of the World
Those suffering from depression typically lose interest in activities they once found enjoyable. You can help your loved one by getting them active and part of the world once more. The key here is to be patient and stay committed. You can’t force your loved one to take you up on an invitation. Don’t bully them, just encourage them as best you can. Should they say “no” to your invite 50 times, don’t give up on them. Be patient, stay committed, and continue to extend your hand. Through weekly treatment they will eventually come around and say “yes.”
Get Educated
One of the best things you can possibly do to support your loved one who is suffering from depression is to learn as much about the condition as you possibly can. It’s a good idea to speak with their therapist to get recommendations of resources that will help you learn more.
Watching a loved one suffer from depression is not easy, but knowing there are ways you can help them will lighten the load for you both.
If you or a loved one is interested in exploring treatment, please contact me today. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help.
It’s rare that any of us will get through life without experiencing anxiety at some point. But some people have the burden of dealing with anxiety on a daily basis. Whether it’s over something big or insignificant, anxiety stops us from living a normal life full of joy and potential. Here are 5 ways you […]
It’s rare that any of us will get through life without experiencing anxiety at some point. But some people have the burden of dealing with anxiety on a daily basis. Whether it’s over something big or insignificant, anxiety stops us from living a normal life full of joy and potential.
Here are 5 ways you can begin reducing your anxiety:
1. Recognize You Are in Control
When you are in the grips of anxiety, it feels very much like it has total control over you. But the reality is, you are in control. While external events can trigger our emotions, ultimately, we have the choice whether we feel those emotions or not. So the good news is, you don’t have to suffer with anxiety, you simply have to decide to show it who’s really boss.
2. Stay Busy
The worst thing you can do when you feel anxiety coming on is to obsessively think about it. It is much better to do something, anything, and stay busy. You could do the dishes, vacuum or work in the garden. The more you can focus your attention away from worrying and toward something that is calming and even joyful (gardening not vacuuming!) the easier time you’ll have of waiting out the anxiety storm.
3. Move Your Body
Exercise is a great way to alleviate the muscle tension that goes along with chronic anxiety. Plus, exercise releases feel good chemicals in your body like serotonin. But don’t sweat it, you don’t have to do a grueling workout at the gym to gain these benefits. Just a half hour a day of walking, biking, swimming or yoga can significantly help reduce your anxiety.
4. Start a Gratitude Journal
Get into the habit of writing down three to five things you are grateful for each night before retiring. This is a simple way to train your mind to focus on all of the good that surrounds you.
5. Speak with a Professional
The cure for any physical or psychological ailment is to get to the root cause of it, not simply manage the symptoms. A therapist can help you access your inner world to uncover what is triggering your fear and also offer coping tools and strategies.
If you or a loved one is interested in exploring treatment, please contact me today. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help.
